i dont want this blog to end up all stupid videos but....

1. What?
2. Why is this really a commercial?
3. Why are his eyes so wide?
4. What's the nasty dance he keeps doing?
5. Who shops here?
6. Why?

the next big thing...

i showed you here first!!



or even better...





I dont care what nobody says...he's hot to me lol

Pittsburgh is like a land of fun!

So my vacation was good..but i believe that i should finally update some people on what happened the last night i was there..

So we went to tha Steelers game for MNF and since football is (if i had to choose) my favorite sport..for so many reasons...lol it was the best time i had had thus far--

my only complaint is that after the game, all the coaches and players go out to tha parking lot and have a tailgating party...now theres nothing wrong wit this itself, since i was able to meet more potential husbands, until i realized how much my parents were drinking.

i am going to go ahead and cut to the chase of the drive home...me driving that is--

Basically-it's me driving, my mom in the passenger seat, my cousin Kris and stepdad Roger in the second row and my sister Melissa and My uncle Kirby:

Roger: KIRBYY!!!!!!! ( why is he screaming..)

Kirby: Ay!! Danielle---turn on Everybody Hates Chris!! I wanna watch some good tv!!

Roger: AY KIRBY!! (still yelling and i am not sure why) REMEMBER THAT TIME WE GOT WASTED ON THA WAY HOME FROM THAT CONCERT??? HOW WE GET HOME MAN? HOW WE GET HOME?

My mom: *doing the cabbage patch* Look, Dani, this is funny, isn't it?

UPDATE: my mom informed me that she was just trying to keep me entertained and wasn't as drunk as i thought she was...sorry moms


*meanwhile Kris is shockingly quiet after drinking more than the law should allow and shaking hands and hugging everyone one in sight,(in which i mean ticket scalpers, women, men, hotdog vendors and confused homeless men that we had to pry him away from) while he was telling...or rather screaming at them that the Kingdom of God is at hand*
Example of the homeless man:

Roger: *after a beat of silence* WAIT!! WHO LET DANIELLE DRIVE???? AWW MAN SHE CAIN'T DRIVE!! SHE GONNA DRIVE US OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHIN!!!!! BET ANYONE $5 WE WIND UP IN CANADA TONIGHT!! BET ME! SOMEONE BET--AY KRIS MAN..HOW YOU KNO SO MANY PEOPLE, HUH? YOU SHAKE HANDS? HUH? I'MA START SHAKIN HANDS MAN...

My mom: *realizing we were halfway home* OH MY GOD!! WHERE'S MELISSA??? WE FORGOT MY BABY AT THE STADIUM!!! NO TURN AROUND DANI!!

Melissa: Mom, you were talking to me when we got in the car. *With Roger once gain realizing I'm driving and screaming about it again*

My mom: oh. my bad honey. *leans seat all the way back so she can see the tv facing the backseat*

Roger: AY KIRBY!! REMEMBER THAT TIME WE GOT WASTED ON THA WAY HOME FROM THAT CONCERT??? HOW WE GET HOME MAN? HOW WE GET HOME?

Kirby: Man, I dont know, that was a great night

Roger: AY KRIS MAN..HOW YOU KNO SO MANY PEOPLE, HUH? YOU SHAKE HANDS? HUH? I'MA START SHAKIN HANDS MAN...MATTER FACT I WANNA SHAKE YOUR HAND NOW MAN

Melissa: Uncle B who you texting? its 2am and you haven't looked up yet.

Kirby: I'M FAMOUS!!! I KNOW EVERYONE, GIRL!! WHO YOU THINK I AM!!

Roger: AY KIRBY!! REMEMBER THAT TIME WE GOT WASTED ON THA WAY HOME FROM THAT CONCERT??? HOW WE GET HOME MAN? HOW WE GET HOME?

*this all continues for the next 20 minutes, until finally we arrive home at 4am.
I, exhausted from having to drive through all of that go upstairs to bed. 15 minutes later my sister walks by with too much food in her mouth.

"Uncle B made tacos if you want some"

Clearly this was ridiculous and rolled over and just went to sleep.

So i thought the foolishness was done for this trip...but once again i thought too soon...

The next day as my other uncle picked us up from LAX to go home, two pre-teen girls were crossing the street in front of us eating candy...my foolish uncle screamed out tha car in some creepy, growly old man voice:

"AY GIMME SOME OF THA SUCKER LIL GIRL"

They just stared as he slowed the car down to actually wait for her to give him a sucker...they looked scared as they should have and walked/ran off..him and Roger laughed then for some reason in unison sang:

"SUCKAASS 2 FOR A PENNY!!!!!!!!!"

By this time it I realize that my family might just be too much for me..

I'm glad Dawson conveys exactly what i feel/felt about them--



Sometimes I wonder, how could i have ever turned out as normal as i have...

That's enough Raven...

I decided to make a post...because this is clearly a hot mess:




Someone should tell her to sit down...

I was almost kidnapped by a man of Caucasian descent...

So, I guess I can briefly reflect on what happened this weekend--

1. As we were hanging out at my uncle's house in Santa Rosa--we went through his extensive movie collection where it seems as if he owns every movie and tv show on dvd for no reason, other than just to have them. He pulls out season 1-6 of that old show Charmed, and said

"Now I bought the first season because I wanted to see how they got their powers, but I got lost within the first 10 minutes and turned it off. I haven't watched an episode since then. So a few weeks ago I went to get season 7 and realized that it probably wasn't a good idea. So i just settled with seasons 1-6."

This clearly made no sense..however i now randomly own:



2. Moving on...now we were in the hotel room after I came back from my cousins wedding in the forest and was trying to find something interesting to do since the mall closed early, and if I would have sat in that room I don't think it would have ended well, so I decided to go down and check my email in the lobby--

True Story of the day- it must have been some sort of holiday because there were way to many older British people wondering around the lobby when they knew good and well they should have been somewhere in the bed... apparently these people get wild and crazy on a daily according to this old man:



but I digress...anywho after the battery died I decided to travel back up the elevator to find something else to do--as I was getting off the elevator and ending an incredibly boring conversation with someone who is better left unnamed..I passed this man in the hallway who looked like he had lost his way in life--he did the casual "Hi, how are you-what are you doing in this part of the country-isn't the ocean beautiful" bit..and I answered him politely and kept it movin..I went to the room decided to hide out til he left the hall-after about 10 minutes I had a new mission--find the gym and contemplate working out at 9:30 at night (meanwhile wondering why my parents had not returned from a wedding that ended at around 7.)

Anywho as I left the room who was in the hallway-- but this man again...let's just call him Feeny (this is who he resembled without the distinguished gentlemanly quality George Feeny embodied.)


So Feeny made random conversation again in the hall which stopped me from my original journey. He asked about school, where I was from, where I was going..etc. I decided this was the only interesting conversation I was getting out of the night--so I replied and asked relevant questions, while still expecting my parents to get off of the elevator at any moment. After about an hour's worth of conversation where he divulged his deepest fears and insecurities for absolutely no reason, he broke me in mid-sentence to say

"you have the most beautiful skin I have ever seen in my life"

I, slightly confused and far from flattered that Mr. Feeny was complementing me (he never complimented Topanga) said thanks and attempted to start another sentence when he said--

"hey, I'm sorry-did you want to get out of the hall? People keep walking by, and I don't want your legs to get tired from standing" to which I replied

"No-I'm fine it's better than sitting in the room" to which this bastard said (with a mixture of compassion, thoughtfulness and somethin else in his nasty eyes)..

"how about this, we can just go to my room right down the hall right there and watch tv or rent some movies and we can charge it on my bill" to which I PROMPTLY replied..

"no I should be getting back to the room now, my sister is probably wondering where I am."

"I'm sure shes sleep, you can go check on her and I'll get my room ready"

"no she's not sleep she told me to come back and get her if I was going somewhere"

"oh, is it because your boyfriend would get mad? You have to have one, you're to incredible not too"

He seemed heartbroken yet kept moving, but somehow the conversation took a turn for the worse at this point-- all of a sudden he was jokin about people having orgies, asking me if I was a heavy drinker, how many boyfriends I had, how many kids I wanted to have, did I want to have them soon and started laughing about if someone was having sex with their window open, it was clearly his place to rate the man's performance, and knock on the window to cheer him on.

Super shifty-eyed at this point..

Then he got closer to me and started asking how tall I was--and how I am the perfect height for him at 5'5..and I started to wonder how I could use my key card to gouge his eyes out while screaming...


Right at this point I heard my loud uncle laughing at something probably inappropriate and said "oh look my parents are here!!! It was wonderful talking to you!" and walked off quickly as my family turned the corner (after drinkin too much Champagne) and started askin who that little mexican man was that I was talking too and why did he run off when they came..

basically I'll never look at this man the same again...

I am not even sure how to end this blog...so I'll just say thanks for listening/reading and always remember..Think twice before you answer...think twice before you say yes...

u came for the words--stayed for the free watermelon

So I figured my first blog would need an explanation since it is super random for me even to be starting one..

My first suggestion to you to understand fully what the title of this blog means and where it came from--



If that still doesn't explain it to you--then maybe you shouldn't keep reading this blog, because the video should be evidence enough that I am (or at least have been told I am) the most random/intriguing/ditsy/intelligent/stupid/cold-blooded/caring/sadiddy person you know..or maybe think you know but honestly have no idea...which fully explains why you still have no idea what I am talking or laughing about most of the time...

True Story of the night..I actually fell out laughing just at the thought of posting that pear thing...lol

In conclusion...basically I figured I would create a blog in order to possibly explain myself to everyone--maybe you'll finally understand me-maybe you'll see why I do things the way I do-or on a slightly sad note maybe you will realize that you may never understand me..either way---as long you're reading I hope you stay entertained...or confused or whatever...